KRISTA OVERBY BEST FRIEND

From the bowels of hell.

This following text is taken directly from weather.com for my location.
Partly Cloudy 100°F Feels Like 110°F

Updated Aug 8 05:00 p.m. ET Watch the Baltimore Forecast UV Index: 2 Low Wind: From WNW at 11 mph Humidity: 41% Pressure: 29.73 in. Dew Point: 72°F Visibility: 10.0 miles NEW! Advanced Storm Tracking

I’m sitting in the office and sweat is pouring down my head.  All I just did was take the trash out.  I am probably losing a quart of sweat from doing basically nothing.  These poor kids here.  I am lucky - I get to sleep in air conditioning.  If I were here at camp in this weather I’d be crying for my mommy and doing one of those toddler - lay on the ground in a heap - maneuvers.   It’s 6:30 PM and still in the 100’s…just imagine what noon was like.

Thank the Lord it’s the last week of camp.  I’m done!  I feel like I’ve been in juvie all summer.  I’m even becoming more aggressive…that’s what having no freedom will do to you.  Now I know why inmates lift all those weights.  Perhaps the camp director should look into buying some free weights and a squat rack for next year.

Well, I think I hear the keys coming…maybe it’s time for chow.

On a church sign - What happens in Vegas -  gets forgiven here.
A sign outside the Acme supermarket with an illustration of an outlaw cowboy - Wanted: Men who can sing

Sign outside a discount liqueur store near boat marina - Boaters Welcome!  Old Ugly Guy is still here.

Sign in front of Friendly’s Ice Cream Restaurant - Free Happy Ending with every entree! (This one had me almost drive my car into a fence I laughed so hard.)

P.S - only 11 more days of camp left.  Whooop! Can’t wait.

You know how hard it is not to have the last Harry Potter book spoiled while working at a summer camp? Very hard. So hard in fact that we’ve had to have several announcements during camp explaining how we don’t talk about Harry Potter at camp. It’s turning into the book that shall not be named. Out of the 30 staff members here I would say about 20 of them are reading the book. I haven’t yet got a good number on the campers reading it, but I will tomorrow because I’m organizing a group photo of everyone here and their book. It’s gonna be pretty sweet. So far no one has spoiled anything. I’m about 1/4 of the way through the book. Wish me luck.

I had a crazy age moment the other day. I was speaking to a camper about music. She’s 14 and pretty music savvy for her age. I was speaking to her like I would any of my friends about music and shows she has been to. When all of a sudden age came up and another camper asked me how old I am. When I said, 32, the camper I was speaking to about music sat up straight and said, “My dad is 32!” I just about choked. Her dad is 32! Holy hell! Granted her parents had her young, but still it go me thinking. I could be most of these kid’s parent. I COULD BE THEIR PARENT! If I had kids when my parents did I would have 8 year old and a 2 year old looking up at me right now asking me to take them to Chuckie Cheese. Thank heavens that’s not the case, if not for me, for those damn kids who probably would be saving up already for future therapy sessions. Crazy thoughts. I do want to have kids one day…as I say that my eggs are laughing their asses off saying, “Krista in 3 more years you will be considered high risk and we are developing genetic issues as you write in your silly blog!” Ok, so yeah, I’m taking my good ole time and I’m sure my eggs and my mother is thinking I’ve waited too long, but I think I’ve probably made a good decision by not popping out a litter in my 20’s. I think my future kids agree with me.

One more thought before I go. This one is about underwear (and I will let you draw your own conclusions if this has anything to do with me not procreating yet or not). As most of my friends know, I like to wear big undies. Yes. Big Undies. Granny panties if you will. I like full coverage over my cheeks. Don’t get me wrong, I like to feel pretty, but my comfort always wins out over sexy. So all of my friends make fun of me, I probably get the worst of it from my little sister who always looks at me in horror when she gets a look at my giant underpants peaking out (ok, it’s more of a peak and more of a 4 inch stare). I also have some underwear that’s bigger than others. Like I have this pair of skin colored undies that are so big I can pull them out from my pants and pull them up over my breasts. Yeah. Those are really big…and stretchy. And one time I chased my friend Lu around my house with my big undies up over my chest yelling, “Big Undies!” until he screamed like a girl and passed out. Anyway, you get the picture. Big Undies, I wear them. So, I’m hear at camp and you know what I notice. There are a lot of big undie wearers here! Everywhere I look I see inches of stretchy cotton coming out of pants! Maybe I’ve finally found my people!

Or maybe I’ve finally found a place where adult woman don’t have anyone to impress, sweat a lot, run around after kids and realize that comfort is the way to go. Perhaps some of them will leave camp never to return to the bikini bottom? I doubt it, but while I’m here I feel like I’m home.

God Damn I feel good today!  I feel reborn.  I feel like I’ve been painting the toenails of Satan for the last week, but today raised up by the hand of Jebus into heaven.  You want to know why?  Cause the heat has dissipated and left us with a beauty of a day.  The sky is blue and the leaves are blowing in the cool breeze. Even the birds are happier.

All week at camp we’ve had killer heat.  The kind of heat that makes the news channels say, “if you don’t have to be outside, don’t go out.”  Gee, thanks News Channel, we are LIVING outside you inconsiderate jerks.  The kids have been miserable.  The staff has been even more miserable because at least the kids have activities to distract them.  Even then we have a lot of cryin going on.  Let me tell you, there is no better answer to the call of motherhood than having to listen to a bunch of 8 year olds cry about wanting to go home.  My eggs can wait a bit longer thank you very much.

In other news, I’m doing fine.  I miss my home and then I get even more sad when I realize I don’t have a home anymore to miss.  I am getting excited about my move to Denver, but then I get upset when I think about how I still don’t know how I’m going to move my stuff out there.  I can afford the Uhaul, but gas is mad expensive yo!   I just want to be in Denver, in a nice little apartment, with my cat (shout out to the sandwich!), and going to quiz nights with the J and Liz.  That’s all.  Some nice weather, some fun, my comfy bed.

Hmm, back to my issue of getting to Denver.  Anyone have any ideas about how I can move?  I wonder if Penske (which is waaay cheaper than Uhual) would sponsor my trip?  haha.  I could document my trip and take pictures and talk about how awesome Penske is.  PENSKE ARE YOU LISTENING! forget about advertising on Nascar, you need Krista Overby Best Friend!

Well, I better get back to work.  Tonight is the closing ceremonies for camp and tomorrow the campers leave.  We usually get Friday night and Saturday off, but this weekend we have people using the camp.  However, I’m trying to see the bright side of things and I think I’ll be lifeguarding all weekend, which means plenty of time in the sun near a pool…so I can’t complain much can I?

…and I think I won’t ever be the same.

Part of my job at camp is to go into our headquarters once a week and turn in paperwork, pick up checks, get approval on supply orders, etc.   I also use this time to go buy supplies at certain stores across the great states of Maryland and Delaware and do other random errands.  So I’m usually gone for most of the day.  However, today I didn’t have as much to do and I thought I would be back at camp by about 2 PM.  What a pipe dream!  I was able to get in and out of headquarters in about an hour and a half, but then I walked into Wal-mart.  I didn’t need to buy much today.  Most of the supplies we needed I was able to purchase on the internet or on the phone…but God help us we just needed some RIT dye and a couple of squeeze bottles….oh and I needed to print out our camper photos.  (Each group here has the option of purchasing a group photo.)  So I go up to the handy dandy little Kodak picture maker and start to work.  We wanted to add a border and some text so I knew it would take a little time…but holy be-jesus…it took me THREE HOURS to get those suckers finished.  THREE HOURS.  You know why?  Cause the damn Wal-mart photo lady today me to print WAY more than necessary.  The photo machine guy said they printed out 2 at a time, on one sheet, but OH NO, the photo lady (who by the way had one hell of a cold sore on her upper lip) said, no, they print out only one to a page……..was she right?  Should I have gone against the intelligence of someone who spends most of their waking hours in the Wal-mart photo center?  DAMN RIGHT I SHOULD HAVE!  She had me print out DOUBLE the amount of photos I actually needed.  Which meant I printed out FIFTY sheets of photos….you know how long that takes the machine to do?  YES, you got it!  2 hours!  Then they had to trim the photos…BY HAND.  Which took another 45 minutes.  You would think they would have a machine to trim them…I know those machines exist.

So while I was there I just watched all the people at Wal-mart in the middle of the day on a Wednesday.  Interesting stuff (if you are bored and have no one else to look at)…I saw a very young married couple (we are talking like seniors in high school) who came to pick up their pictures only to find that have of the pictures in their pile weren’t theirs…who were those strangers?  They didn’t know any of them, but the Wal-mart photo center staff in their invariable genius kept insisting they must be the couple’s photos..even after the real owners came up to the desk and…low and behold!  There were the strangers in the photos!  Look, only they are at Wal-mart and sweaty and not in their backyard pool.

There were lots of old guys in too big for their head John Deere trucker hats.  They sat on the bench with me for a little while and then got up and walked around a little longer…no carts, just them walking around the air conditioned bazaar.  I saw a lot of little babies…like, right out of the uterus little babies and lots of people in motorized scooters.  I did not see a little baby driving a motorized scooter…although that would have made up for the 4 hours I spend in the Wal-mart.

In other news, camp is going well.  The kids are here now and they are all basically good.  We might have a few future parolees and maybe a couple future baby mamas, but for the most part they are nice kids and they don’t annoy me much…now the staff…that is a whole other story.

Hi friends!

It’s me and I’m wearing a kerchief.  I’m dirty, have tuna breath, and have about 30 mosquito bites just on my right arm, but I’m hanging in there.  I feel like I’ve been at camp now for about 4 years, but at last count it’s only been 15 days.  I’m now a certified lifeguard and pro-rescuer…which basically means I can haul your soggy ass out of the pool if you start a’drownin…it also means I can splint your arm, wrap your wound, and I get to wear one of those cool lifeguard shirts all the cool girls at my local pool wore when I was but a wee lass. 

The staff all arrived a few days ago and needless to say I am decades older than all of them.  Almost every day I get some girl coming up to me and saying, “oh my god, I was talking to (Insert name here) and they told me how old you were…and I didn’t know you were so old!  I mean, I knew you were older, but I thought that was like 24.”  Yeah…these girls think 24 is old…to them 32 is unfathomable.  I think I’m going to try to institute some sort of elder-day…where everyone has to do something nice for me…cause I’m so much closer to dying than they are and everything. 

Most days I feel like I’m in high school again.  Except this time I’m the teacher and I have to look at the empty faces as I stand in front of them leading a session.  I had no idea what my teachers went though!  God bless ‘em!  It’s hard standing in front of 25 kids who are all looking at you like they wish you would die, or at least just pass out and leave them alone.  They aren’t all bad though, I have my favorites.  There are some kick ass people here, most of them are only 18, but I’ve always been a goofy bastard, so I think I can fit in somewhere.  I wish I could write more about certain things going on, but since this isn’t really an anonymous website or anything, I best not do that…just know there are some wacky characters around here.

The campers come next Sunday…only then will I really know what this whole camping thing is going to be like. 

I miss Brooklyn and my friends so much.  I miss the ole Betty Sandwich and I even miss the little bodega guy on the corner who would try and sell me old dirty candy bars every time I went in there.  I miss talking about a book and have people know what I’m talking about.  I miss going to the movies and I miss watching bad reality tv with Abby.  However, I am in a lovely part of the country right now.  I’m hoping I’ll be able to do a lot of swimming and boating this summer and hell, all of my meals are made for me…no doing the dishes!  So it’s a good life.  I couldn’t do this full-time, but for a summer, it’s not such a bad gig.

I finished my motorboat course this evening. 3 days of sitting in front of an old guy named Orville tell us (us = me and 2 other people I’m working with this summer) boating stories. We think his wife might be named Aunt Jemima. Tonight was supposed to be our final test. We were not ready. We had not studied. Orville instructed us the test would be open book. Who studies for an open book exam? Suckers, that’s who. And we are not suckers. We are though very lucky. Why you ask, cause Orville forgot the exams and passed us all anyway. Can you believe that shit? I’m not complaining..oh no. I am happy. Happy I didn’t have to sit for an hour and look for answers in my boating book. Very happy. I’m not sure the state I am in would be happy knowing about Orville and his forgotten tests…I’m also not sure how other boaters on the river will feel about our being certified…in a non-test taking way this summer…but I am very pleased. I did learn something. I learned about red port, green starboard…I learned about the bow and the stern and the anchor rode and how to wrap the docking line around the boat cleats…so I think I’ll be fine. As long as I don’t have any young charges to keep safe in the water…oh wait.

What else is going on…well, tomorrow night we are all heading down to the camp and staying in a tent because all of the cabins are filled with weekend guests. I’ll be able to move into my cabin on Tuesday. It looks like this weekend will be filled with cleaning and setting up my office. As well as a kayak trip and maybe some swimming, which makes all the cleaning worth it.

In other news, my ankle is STILL paining me. I’m starting to get a bit worried about it…only because I am going to be doing a lot of hiking this summer…hello, summer camp! Anyway, it’s still swollen and stuff, especially at night after a full day of using it. What could be wrong? Any medical professionals read this blog? Anyone want to volunteer some medical advice? Anyone without any medical training want to take a wild guess at what could be wrong? It’s been almost 3 weeks since my fall. Damn.

YoYoYo, Thursday I temped at a place I’ll call GirlsRUs.

1 = Hellish
3 = Are they serious with this shit?
5 = Fine, if you have no expectations
7 = Niiiice
10 = Are there any job openings?

I grade the following perks: snacks and drinks, chair, other admins, boss man, location, and extras.

First and foremost Snacks and Drinks: 4 - The place offered nothing in the way of snacks and drinks, unless you have a dollar and a quarter and want to use a vending machine.  What’s up with all these vending machine companies?  They did offer coffee and a few varieties of tea and I believe they had a water cooler…so maybe I should give them a higher score…nope, I don’t think I will.  I’m still mad about the vending machine.  They did have some tasty leftover sandwiches from the day before…but, nope…still a 4.  Hey, GirlsRUs…spend a little money and get your employees some sodas or something!
Chair: 7 - Chair was fine.  I didn’t have to adjust it, which was a welcome change.  It did just what I needed it to.  Supported my ass.
Other Admins:9 - The people who worked her seemed really nice.  I even got a hug from the receptionist!  A hug!  (Ok, full disclosure GirlsRUs is actually the place my sister works for and she brought me in to help her out one day…so the people were nice to me because this sister is one of those hard working, uber-reliable, super nice people that makes people want to hug her siblings.  So it had less to do with me and more to do with her being a good person.)
Boss Man: 8 - The boss seemed to care about my well-being.  This was an odd relationship because said boss actually knew about this handy dandy little rating system (again, she’s my sister) and kept checking in with me during the day to make sure I was happy…and hydrated…and cool enough.  But I’m not rating her higher cause I’m her big sister and I like to upset her needlessly.
Location: 7 - Place was near the metro (D.C. speak for subway) and is actually located directly above a grocery store.  Imagine that.  You could do your grocery shopping at lunch…or get a lovely salad like I did.  It was almost like having a huge cafeteria in your office, but it wasn’t subsidized, unless you could my budget-concious sister’s ‘club card’.

Extras: 5 - I didn’t have much work to do, but I was allowed to complain that I was bored and the sister would try to give me work, which was nice.  They lost MAJOR points however with the nasty-ass keyboard I had to use.  It looked like the previous owner had eaten every meal directly over it since 1988.  Gross.  I hate grody-greasy keyboards.
Overall Score: 6.66 - They got the sign of the devil score!  Man…I think I might have to get my sister out of that place…maybe they are a cult!  I had no idea!  Shit…if only they would have had some snacks…

What a shitstorm. I can’t remember being more disappointed with a movie..oh wait, I just remembered it was during Star Wars Episode II when Nathalie Portman and Hayden Christensen actually had a love scene where they rolled around in grass like in some romance book written by a 14 year old girl. That was dumb…this would have been just as disappointed if I was really even looking forward to its release…which I wasn’t. So, lets start with the reasons this movie sucked, shall we?

Where to begin, where to begin..ok, I know.. hows about, freakin Tobey Maguire was a fatty boombah! Am I the only one who likes my superheros to look like they could actually save someone (Wolverine)? I remember the first movie, when I heard he was playing the part I was like, hmm, I think Toby looks like a 12 year old with brittle bone disease, but he totally pumped up, right? But in this movie it looks like he’s been sitting around eating Little Debbie Snack Cakes (the whore of the snack food kingdom, right J) and washing them down with a 2 liters of Pepsi everyday since the last movie. Who thought this would be ok? Oh, wait, I know Sam Raimi, it’s because every scene with Tobey in his suit is totally CGI’d. Tobey didn’t need to be fit because the movie was basically a cartoon (a bad one at that) with bits of scene with Kirsten Dunst in it. Ugh. If Kirsten came back to the set looking like Tobey they would have written M.J. out of the movie as faster than you can say Rosie O’Donnell. Every time Tobey cried (which was often and leads me to my next reason why this movie sucked) his little double chin wobbled like a turkey’s going to the slaughter.

Throw us girls a bone Spider-man casting! Give us a little eye-candy to look at! If Tobey is looking bad, you could have made the other characters hot..right? Don’t get me wrong, James Franco isn’t bad looking, but he freaks me out when he smiles…he has too many crevices on his face or something - and for the other two main characters we get are Lowell Mather and Eric Forman? Really super hero casting people? Really?

Ok, now we get to the second reason why Spider-man 3 sucked…it had too much crying! Every other scene was someone crying their eyes out about for some dumb ass reason or another. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for men feeling like they can express their emotions, but not in my super hero movie! It had more man tears than a lifetime movie about prostate cancer. I half expected Tobey to say - Goodnight you princes of Maine - at the end.
Next, lets move on to the “black costume” Spidey - whenever Toby gets to feeling the “black” take over he all of a sudden is wearing eye liner and his hair gets all emo… it’s like Spidey turns into Panic at the Disco. You think the costume people could have come up with something a little more interested that that.

Lastly, what was with the American Flag shot at the end? Raimi got all Michael Bay all of a sudden. And the NYC firemen in the crowd shots…why didn’t he just have the statue of liberty come to life and give Spidey a thumbs up? I’m so sick of these patriotic American scenes. Are we that easily bought as Americans? Are we supposed to cheer and be so enthusiastic at the sight of our flag and some “real heroes” that we forget all about the previous two hours of shit?

Ugh.

The only good thing about Spider-man 3 was the trailer for the new Harry Potter movie coming in June. Ohhh…Voldemort…you saucy fellow.

and I miss my cat. How dumb is that? I miss my damn cat more than I miss anything. I guess that makes me a bona fide spinster. I know I am probably missing her more than she misses me. This is probably how it’s going down:

Me: Oh man, I miss my cat. She probably thinks I deserted her.

Betty: I’m hungry

Me: Maybe I should go get her. Maybe she would be happier to be with me, even if it means living in a small space. That would probably be so much better for her.

Betty: I’m sleepy

Me: Oh, woe is me. I am so sorry for leaving you this summer. If only you understood it’s for the best. I think about you all the time.

Betty: If only I could sleep and eat at the same time, life would be sweet.

Me: I hope Josh is giving you lots of love so it lessens your pain of losing me this summer.

Betty: I sure love digging in my litter box. Look at the poo fly!
Me: Oh Betty! I love you! I hate this separation! Ohhhhh! The pain!

Betty: Look one of those buzzing around things….I want to catch it! But I think I’ll nap a little bit first. I love tuna…zzzzz.
So, yeah…I’m pretty sure I am missing her more than she misses me.

I have a week to go before I move to camp. I think I’m gonna go into work with my sister next week…she wants me to rate her company as a temp…this shall be juicy.