KRISTA OVERBY BEST FRIEND

Alone.  I feel alone.  I miss having my own friends.  I’m living with some of my best friends, but I feel lonely because I’m fallen into their life and am desperately seeking to build one of my own.  I’m sitting here alone tonight and want to call someone so bad and say, hey what are you doing, want to hang out?  But I have no one.  I’ve chosen this, I know I have.  I just want to fast forward this part of the “Krista’s New Life” and stop on the point when I have a job and a place to live and some friends.  Ah shit, I’m just feeling sorry for myself.  I’m going to try to stop now.

I know, I’ll rate my temp job!  Yeah!

Of course, the temp ratings are as follows:

1 = Hellish
3 = Are they serious with this shit?
5 = Fine, if you have no expectations
7 = Niiiice
10 = Are there any job openings?

I grade the following perks: snacks and drinks, chair, other admins, boss man, location, and extras.

1.  Snacks and Drinks - (6) I knew when I moved to Denver the work scene would be a little different.  I don’t know why or in what way, it’ just something I thought…in my head.  So, basically I had low expectations.  Saying that I was pleasantly surprised when the company I’ve been temping for - I’ll call it, Doctors Can Be Pricks, offered free water and diet coke.  Nice work.  Sadly, they don’t offer coffee, although they do have a coffee maker…but no one ever makes the coffee.  Perhaps I should?  Nah…I’ll just complain about not having any.
2.  Chair - (5) - I haven’t really thought much about my chair, which can only mean it’s fully adequate.  In fact I couldn’t even tell you what color it is and I’ve worked there almost 3 weeks.

3.  Other Admins - (7) - it’s a really small office.  Only 3 other people.  They are very nice.   Of course, everyone seems to be nice in Denver.  Oh, everyone except the Doctors I have to work with.  Luckily, I only have to deal with them via email and the phone, but the majority of my interactions involve them being total dicks.  Today I got an email from a Doctor telling that, “in health care we use the title Doctor when addressing an email” I mistakenly thought she was a nurse and didn’t write, Dear Dr. when emailing her about something…it was a really patronizing email and I wish I could remember the whole thing.  Jeez, I know she was in school while I was spending my time smoking pot and reading crappy novels, but shit man, give a temp a break.  I would have figured it out eventually and seriously, do you think getting an email every now and again that doesn’t address you as Doctor would really be so bad?  Next time I write you I’m gonna address you as Doctor, but in my head all I’m going to be thinking about is bitch bitch bitch.

4.  Boss Man - (7) - He’s a strangely reticent individual.  He doesn’t speak much, but he seems fine.  I wish I could say more…he has a nice beard.

5.  Location - (6) - When I drive, it’s a dream.  It’s probably the shortest commute I’ve ever had.  Only about 15 minutes door-to-door.  And they have me a remote door opener to the underground parking lot…sweet.  However, I don’t get the car all the time…especially now that I’ve been told my driving days are over and now I move into the days of public transportation.  Today was my first day as a bus commuter.  The journey was short, but the wait for the bus was way long.  The buses only come about twice and hour, which sucks.  It took me over an hour to get home today…suckety suck suck.  The buses are nice here though.  They are rarely crowded and the seats are padded…lux!

6.  Extras - (7) - I got taken out to lunch the other day!  Whooo.  It was Mongolian barbecue…nice.  I love a good buffet o meat.  They also brought me back a water bottle from some conference.  Whoop.  The profits of tempdom are high.  Sure, you don’t get benefits and you know that tomorrow you could be told not to come in, but then again…you get the pleasure in knowing that tomorrow you might not have to come in.

YoYoYo, Thursday I temped at a place I’ll call GirlsRUs.

1 = Hellish
3 = Are they serious with this shit?
5 = Fine, if you have no expectations
7 = Niiiice
10 = Are there any job openings?

I grade the following perks: snacks and drinks, chair, other admins, boss man, location, and extras.

First and foremost Snacks and Drinks: 4 - The place offered nothing in the way of snacks and drinks, unless you have a dollar and a quarter and want to use a vending machine.  What’s up with all these vending machine companies?  They did offer coffee and a few varieties of tea and I believe they had a water cooler…so maybe I should give them a higher score…nope, I don’t think I will.  I’m still mad about the vending machine.  They did have some tasty leftover sandwiches from the day before…but, nope…still a 4.  Hey, GirlsRUs…spend a little money and get your employees some sodas or something!
Chair: 7 - Chair was fine.  I didn’t have to adjust it, which was a welcome change.  It did just what I needed it to.  Supported my ass.
Other Admins:9 - The people who worked her seemed really nice.  I even got a hug from the receptionist!  A hug!  (Ok, full disclosure GirlsRUs is actually the place my sister works for and she brought me in to help her out one day…so the people were nice to me because this sister is one of those hard working, uber-reliable, super nice people that makes people want to hug her siblings.  So it had less to do with me and more to do with her being a good person.)
Boss Man: 8 - The boss seemed to care about my well-being.  This was an odd relationship because said boss actually knew about this handy dandy little rating system (again, she’s my sister) and kept checking in with me during the day to make sure I was happy…and hydrated…and cool enough.  But I’m not rating her higher cause I’m her big sister and I like to upset her needlessly.
Location: 7 - Place was near the metro (D.C. speak for subway) and is actually located directly above a grocery store.  Imagine that.  You could do your grocery shopping at lunch…or get a lovely salad like I did.  It was almost like having a huge cafeteria in your office, but it wasn’t subsidized, unless you could my budget-concious sister’s ‘club card’.

Extras: 5 - I didn’t have much work to do, but I was allowed to complain that I was bored and the sister would try to give me work, which was nice.  They lost MAJOR points however with the nasty-ass keyboard I had to use.  It looked like the previous owner had eaten every meal directly over it since 1988.  Gross.  I hate grody-greasy keyboards.
Overall Score: 6.66 - They got the sign of the devil score!  Man…I think I might have to get my sister out of that place…maybe they are a cult!  I had no idea!  Shit…if only they would have had some snacks…

I have to tell you about this woman I’ve been working with here at Bonds R Us. She’s perfectly nice and if I sensed even a tiny tiny bit of malice on her bobbed blond head I would be upset by her behavior, but because she comes across, instead, as a bumbling Alzheimer’s patient, I forgive her. And you should too.

So this is what she does.

Pretty much every other day I’ve worked here she has asked me what my name was. “what’s your name again?” is her common phrase of choice. “Um, Krista!” I reply. Hoping that if I seem unsure of my own name it might make her feel less upset by her own forgetfulness…every day. However, she really doesn’t seem that ashamed that she forgets. Instead it’s like she forgets, she has forgotten my name before. Now, in case you’ve forgotten, this is my 3rd week temping here! And she sits right next to me. Haha.

And today something occurred that put the icing on the cake. She came over to me and said, “Do you know they serve free breakfast in the break room?” Um, hello, I’m a temp, I knew that before I even started working here! We know these things! Hell, you people who read this blog knew they served free breakfast in the break room. I didn’t even know how to respond to that. If it were anyone else I probably would have said something smartassy in response, but because she probably has sustained a traumatic brain injury or is currently fighting off brain eating organisms I just replied with a happy, “Yes I did and it is good”.

This is my last week in New York, my friends. I am sad. Sad to be leaving this gorgeous city. Sad to be leaving good friends. But I am also excited. Excited for spending my entire summer at camp. Excited to move to a new city in August. Excited to meet new friends. New York has been good to me. It has also sucked the life force out of my body and spit out a broken shell of a girl. That’s what makes this city so confusing. On one hand it offers you the world, but with its other hand it punches you hard in the gut and then laughs at you. New York, thanks for the concerts, the culture, the book lovers, the colors, the laughs, and the punches. I’ll miss you, but I won’t have as many bruises where I’m heading.

Ooh, yeah! All right!
We’re tempin’:
I wanna temp it wid you.
We’re tempin’, tempin’,
And I hope you like tempin’, too.

I have yet another temp job this week.  This one might last a few weeks though, which is nice.  It might actually be my LAST TEMP JOB IN NYC.  I would say ever, but I’m pretty sure I’ll have to temp again in Denver…at least for a bit.

Anyway, because I know you all love it…here is my temp rating for this job…I’ll call it - Bonds R Us.  And a little side note - I think someone from the company found this here blog the other day (thank you site meter)….so hi friendly Bonds R Us employee, I heart you and your company.
As always here is the rating grade system:

1 = Hellish
3 = Are they serious with this shit?
5 = Fine, if you have no expectations
7 = Niiiice
10 = Are there any job openings?

I grade the following perks: snacks and drinks, chair, other admins, boss man, location, and extras.

• First and foremost Snacks and Drinks: 8 -  Hello free breakfast!  Whohoo…or should I say, hello continental breakfast…isn’t that what hotels and conferences call coffee, bagels, and danii (plural of danish)?  It be cool if for once free breakfast meant man in big white hat cookin me up an omelet, but a temp needs to take what she can get.  The coffee is good and the food is plentiful.  Although, some orange juice would be appreciated.
• Chair: 4 - It’s too low (damn mini people again) and I can’t figure out how to raise it.  I should switch it out with another one, but I can’t be bothered…although if I will be here a few weeks, perhaps I should look into it.
• Other Admins: 9 - Really cool, nice people here.  Seriously, I’m not just saying this.  Nice atmosphere.  People say hello in the halls and make small talk.  You would be surprised how often this doesn’t happen in other companies.  Especially financial firms.  Somehow they have fostered a nice company culture here.
• Boss Man:10 - This rating doesn’t come along that often, but this guy is pretty cool.  Anyone who will make small talk with me for 15 minutes about weird things is golden in my book.  It makes me miss my days with Mr. R..my old boss man who would chat about his childhood and the latest book he was reading about Mormons or torture or salt..or whatever it happened to be that day.
• Location: 10 - Another 10 - whoohoo, I know you must be thinking…either this place rocks or Krista is back on the pipe…well it’s not the pipe people…this place is only 20 minutes from my house, door-to-door.  It’s located down on the river, overlooking the Brooklyn Bridge and South Street Seaport.  I’ve never had such a short commute in all my years in NYC. It’s so nice.  I don’t even bring anything to read, I just pop my iPod in and before I know it I’m here.
• Extras:6 - Not much extra.  In fact, there is one main detractor from my happiness.  My cube is located right in front of the men’s bathroom…so this being a trading company there are a lot of men here…and the bathroom is constantly in use.  Which really isn’t the worst of it.  The worst of it is the noises these men make while in there.  I never realized how much men like to make noises while voiding.  Is it that much of a release?  Jeez.  It’s actually kind of funny and I’m sure I’ll start tuning it out eventually.  Note to the future floor planners…don’t put a cube/office in front of a restroom…it is just wrong.  Side note - Yesterday was Secretary’s Day and the company bought flowers for all the admins…and they included me.  Isn’t that nuts.  It was only my second day of temping…haha.  Nice move Bonds R Us.

Overall Score: I’m too lazy to calculate these anymore..so let’s just say it’s adequate and I feel lucky I scored this place for my last few weeks in the city…gosh, I still can’t believe I’m leaving.

I’m moving out of my apartment on Sunday morning…anyone who wants to help me move I’m buying coffee and breakfast sandwiches….I’ll even get you extra bacon if you want it….

Yo, it’s your friendly neighborhood temp back with a new rating for this week’s temp locale.

1 = Hellish
3 = Are they serious with this shit?
5 = Fine, if you have no expectations
7 = Niiiice
10 = Are there any job openings?

And I grade the following perks: snacks and drinks, chair, other admins, boss man, location, and extras.

This week I am temping for a place I’ll call - Law Town 2 - Electric Bugaloo

• Snacks and Drinks :8 - You all know how important this section is to me. I didn’t know what to expect as the last law firm I worked at didn’t even offer water. So I was pleasantly surprised when I was directed to a fully stocked kitchen! Whooo. They offer water, juice, sodas, and even though they only provide shitty pod coffee and no snacks, they get an 8 rating because they stock Yoohoo. Now, I don’t drink Yoohoo, but I think it takes someone with a unique sense of humor to keep a stock of cold Yoohoos in a corporate kitchen. Awesome. They are also located directly above a nice cafe where I bought my lunch without having to get drenched in the rain. Nor’easter anyone?
• Chair: 10 - Hello Ergonomic Task Chair! Whoooooooo.
• Other Admins: 6 - What other admins? This place is like a ghost town today. Maybe there will be more people in tomorrow when New Jersey isn’t under water. It’s uber quiet here, which is a little disconcerting, but people seem friendly enough. No complaints.
• Boss Man: 7 - Everyone seems really pleasant…almost too pleasant…it’s almost like a stepford office. Maybe tomorrow I should bring some protection.
• Location: 7 - Oddly enough this is in the same building as the place I temped two weeks ago, the place with the waiters and glass elevators. However, remember last time how I was telling you about the offices with the beanbag chairs…um, no more bean bag chairs anymore. Where could they have gone? My goal is to temp in that office before I leave NYC…I just want to get a picture of myself sitting on a bean bag chair at work…haha, this reminds me of a funny story about me and a bean bag chair, which I can’t tell here because my mother reads this blog…
• Extras: 6 - I can’t think of any extras. They don’t seem to block any internet sites, but their nets do seem to be slow. It’s really quiet, which would be great if I were planning to meditate later, but since I’m not…it’s a tad boring.

Just a side note - I went down to Maryland to check out the camp I’ll be working at this summer (awesome). I stupidly didn’t get any pictures of the camp, but I did get a picture of a road sign that nearly made me fall over. Expect an update about that later tonight.

Hola, back by popular demand (Twinkie) it’s time for…Temp Rating System ™!
And because I have the time I am going to rate the place I temped at last week, as well as the place I am temping for this week.

Again - here is the rating scale:

1 = Hellish
3 = Are they serious with this shit?
5 = Fine, if you have no expectations
7 = Niiiice
10 = Are there any job openings?

And I grade the following perks:  snacks and drinks, chair, other admins, boss man, air tempertature, location, and extras.

This week I am temping for a place I’ll call - Law Town

• Snacks and Drinks: 2 - Um, what snacks and drinks…oh wait, you mean those in the vending machine.  Vending machine people!  Not since before the dot.com era have companies in NYC had vending machines.  They don’t even have water…like, not even a water fountain. 
• Chair: 5 - it is fine.  Nothing special.  It have a place to put my butt…and that is about it.  I’m filling in for a short person again and my back already hurts…damn short people and their little short chairs and low everything.
• Other Admins: 5 - There are two types of admins here.  Those who are super friendly and nice and those who are naaasty.  I have never temped at a Law Office before.  It’s nuts…everything is monitored so they can bill the clients.  Every copy you make is billed back, so you have to log in before you make copies, or fax anything, or scan.  It’s not hard, but the first time I did it I needed some assistance and this one admin was so mad I bothered her.  Another was printing off a bunch of stuff in front of me…so I patiently waited behind her, because I wasn’t shown where there was other copiers in the building…and she let me wait behind her for about 10 minutes before telling me it was going to be awhile and telling me where there was another copier. 
• Boss Man: 8 - He’s pretty cool.  He’s old as hell and doesn’t use a computer…yes that’s right, no computer.  So I have to print out emails and then print out the responses he has me make, but he’s cool.  He is doing pretty interesting work.  Basically, he’s assisting Jews get art that was stolen from the Nazis.  Yes, Nazis!  It makes me want to dress up in a dress I made from my curtains and sing songs in Austrian.
• Air Temperature: 7 - I might delete this topic from further ratings..it’s boring me. 
• Location: 6 - It’s close to the subway, I have to take 3 trains to get here, but it’s not that bad. It’s not close to anything…but that’s good cause I don’t have any money for anything anyway.
• Extras: 8 -Did I mention we are fighting Nazis!
• Temp Friendly Average: 5.1 - I’ll be glad when I have another temp assignment.  Fighting the good fight is cool and writing emails about Klimt paintings is awesome, but my back hurts and I miss places with free water. 

Last week I am temped for a place I’ll call - War&Peacemoney

• Snacks and Drinks: 9 - This place offered free water and had a soda fountain..and brought in Starbucks coffee!  Whooo.  They didn’t offer any snacks and that’s what made the rating go down to 9, BUT they did…I’m not making this up…have waiters and waitresses walking around all day delivering food!  Seriously…waiters!  In little vests!  The company had a website where you could order food all day..for free..and they would deilver it to your desk.  Sure, they only do this so their employees work longer…but as a temp, with nothing to do…I say, bring it on.
• Chair: 7 - It was a nice ergonomic chair. 
• Other Admins: 8 - Cool kids.  All seemed nice and helpful.  It seemed like most were actors and actresses waiting for their big break.  I kept getting NYC audition emails and emails from other admins telling me about plays they are in. 
• Boss Man: 7 - He said maybe 10 words to me.  He didn’t have any work for me..the phone rang twice and it was his wife looking for him.  She seemed needy…I’m thinking she might have been 2 steps away from in-house treatment. 
• Location: 7 - Good location, the building was interesting.  It was built, atrium-style) so you could see all the way up to the top floors when you were in the lobby and they had glass elevators so you could see the other offices…which was cool because there was one office that looked hella cool.  Everyone had beanbags!  Beanbags!  I think it was some dot.com or advertising agency.
• Extras: 7 -Did I mention the waiters!  haha
• Temp Friendly Average: 7.5 - Even though it got a high rating, I wouldn’t want to work there full time.  I would temp any time, but to work full time, blah…it’s still a financial company…and they all still suck.

So I’m back temping again for Natasha…apparently she’s sick.  Who knows.  I’m not going to complain because I need the money and if this place wants to keep hiring me to come in and do nothing, who am I to make a fuss. 

I’m sitting here, it’s hot outside and therefore it’s uber hot in this building on Madison Avenue.  High rises always need a few weeks to get the temperature right and “we” the “corporate workers” have to pay.

Anyway, I wanted to make a temp update!  I’m looking around this cube and you know what I found…another religious image!  Her shrine is getting bigger!  I’m starting to worry about Natasha.  She has added a Special Masses for Healing card to the Buddha shrine.  Should I worry she has some horrible disease that I might catch typing on her computer…or answering her phone?  When I came in the HR lady gave me all of these disinfectant wipes.  Shit…there is probably some flesh eating bacteria crawling around on my face as I type this!

Do you think Buddha cares about the overlapping Catholic imagery?  Do you think the Virgin Mary is upset she is sharing space with this stone little Asian man?  If I were Natasha I think I would just make a decision and go with one or the other…sure you might be wrong, but if you are on the winning side…you are golden.

I have also done some digging around Natasha’s computer..what can I say…I’m bored.  It seems she is a bundle of nutty interests.  It seems she not only plays Warcraft, but she plays guitar and loves a good memorable quote.  She also has a link for Hospice care…oh shit…now we have an answer to the battle o’religious icons.  Ew, she has a link to Fox News.  I don’t know if we would get along, Miss N and myself.  I think she might worry too much and probably voted for Bush because of his “family values”. 

Part of me wants to leave a note for dear old Natasha…I think she may need an extended vacation…and I know just the temp to fill in for her.

I’m temping again after getting the cleat from the NFL.  So you know what this means?  Yep - it’s time for the much loved…Temp Rating System ™!

Just so you can remember - here is the rating scale:

1 = Hellish
3 = Are they serious with this shit?
5 = Fine, if you have no expectations
7 = Niiiice
10 = Are there any job openings?

And I grade the following perks:  snacks and drinks, chair, other admins, boss man, air tempertature, location, and extras.

Today I am temping at a place I’ll call Real Estate Whopper and here are the grades.

• Snacks and Drinks: 4 - Negligable - They offer water at three different tempertatures (Cold, Warm, and Hot) ohhhh, and the corportate standard pod coffees and teas.  And get this…they have a coke machine…a machine where they charge you 60 cents for a soda…um, hello Real Estate Whopper, most companies give you free sodas these days!  And if that wasn’t bad enough…it was all sold out!  No snacks at all.  Yesterday they had what looked like a stale tray of holiday cookies left over from some boring meeting, but who is going to touch those? 
• Chair: 6 - after raising the chair up to normal person height (the girl I’m temping for (Natasha) must be a dreaded mini person) it was ok.  Nothing fancy, although it does have a nice extra back support.  I bet Natasha had to pay for it herself.
• Other Admins: 9 - I’ve only been introduced to one and she’s pretty darn nice.  She showed me how to do things and is really pleasant - not much small talk from her, but who really needs that?  The cube walls are high and I can’t see anyone else anyway.
• Boss Man: 8 - What boss man?  There is no one here.  I have no idea why they even bothered hiring an admin for three days.  Yesterday I was given exactly 15 minutes of work…for the entire 8 hours and today it looks like I’ll get even less work.  I shouldn’t complain about that, it gives me more blog time, but I kind of like to be kept busy…it makes the day go by faster.
• Air Temperature: 6 - Yesterday everyone was complaining it was too hot in here, but I didn’t really notice.  Today it’s cooler because it’s SLEATING outside.  Seriously, sleating and hailing…it actually hurt to walk to work.  They are calling for 3 to 5 inches in the city.
• Location: 7 - I’m right behind FAO Shwartz, which would be cool if I were 10 years old…and that also means I’m right next to Bergdorfs which would be cool if I had MONEY.  All in all the location is ok.  It’s only about 4 blocks from the subway, so it’s manageble.
• Extras: 3 - Um, not really any extras.  Most of the websites I like to look at during the day are blocked.  WTF?  They block “Alternative Journals”.  Nazis!  I’m surprised they didn’t ask me to burn the novel I brought with me at the door.  I have no work to do and I have to listen to ex-jocks talk “money” all day.  Uck.  However, as I noted before the cube walls are high and not many people are around so I pretty much have my time to myself….hmm, I wonder if I could watch Lost from the computer…

Temp Friendly Average: 6.1 - I wouldn’t be upset if I was posted here again, but I wouldn’t look forward to it.

*Update - I just noticed, it seems Natasha is really covering her bases when it comes to spirituality.  Within her cube there are 3 pictures of saints (Our Lady of Guadalupe particularly - I’m not quite sure what she does, but Natasha seems to think she can help.  Ahh, after further research it seems Miss Guadalupe is in charge of making children get born…something tells me Natasha might be preggers).  There is also a Budda shrine.  I’m not kidding.  There is an actual shrine to budda.  It’s on a striped mat.  The Budda is placed in the middle and there are what appear to be bead necklaces around it, like the kind you get for showing your tatas to floats in New Orleans…who knew Budda liked those?  Around the necklaces are 8 smooth pebbles and to the right of Budda is a few leaves in water.  ABOVE the Budda is a dreamcatcher.  I’m not making this up!