KRISTA OVERBY BEST FRIEND

Dear Best Friend,

I was online and catching up with an old friend from college, and he told me that my ex-boyfriend of 5 years, who told me he never wanted to get married or settle down and have kids, is now married and buying a house. That was kind of traumatic. Still is, actually. Even though I know I’m better off now and have an even better guy and a happier life, I still can’t help being pissed off. And I’m not sure what to do about it.  How do I put that heartache behind me?

Yours,

Ol’Heartachey

Dear Ol’Heart,

I’ve always felt that once you love someone, I mean really love someone, you will always love them - until the day your heart stops beating.  And that doesn’t mean you will pine for them or wish that it was you they were kissing, but you will always have a spot for them in your brain, filed under - Sigh.  (Feel free to use other file categories if Sigh doesn’t work for you)  That being said, it’s completely normal to feel that pang when you hear someone you loved is preparing to devote his/her life to another - especially if that person was never prepared to do the same for you.  In your case, there is the added knife in the gut because you realize that, in reality the boy you loved wasn’t against marriage - He was against marrying you. 

This sounds so harsh and I know it is, but those are just the facts.  Emotionally there could be so many other factors.  Your ex-boyfriend is now older…and perhaps more prepared for marriage.  Your ex-boyfriend could have knocked-up his bethrothed thus hastening a speedy wedding before her professional hit man father decides to hunt him down.  Your ex-boyfriend, having gone through a break-up and losing a previous girlfriend (you) because he wouldn’t settle down decided he didn’t want to go through that again and just gave in.  Your ex-boyfriend could have merely just changed his mind because he realized that growing older and alone just wasn’t the way he wanted to go. 

That being said, rejoice in the fact that you, gorgeous, have a lovely boyfriend who you are happy with and who, hopefully, gives you good lovin on a regular basis.

Feel free to be a little sad about the final loss of the ex-love, but don’t be sad he changed his mind about marriage.  You two weren’t meant to be together.  Be thankful one of you realized that and you were free to go on to better lives.  Separate, but so much better.

Well, What do you know, KO Best Friend got an advice question emailed to her!  Lucky day, I’d been feeling this build up of excess wisdom and looky here…I get to expel some right out onto this here internet.  So, lets get right to it.
Dear BF,

My brother is taking a bunch of college courses like ethics, humanities, english, piano, physics, geometry, geography, orchestra, basically everything, and he has to write 100 page papers for every one of these classes. He wants me to help him write these endless papers at midnight every night. So he drags me into the computer room to sit with him while he sings along to Les Miserables and doesn’t write. It is highly entertaining for awhile, but I am tired, and these 100 page papers aren’t any closer to getting finished. Thanks for you wisdom BF.

(Insert clever pseudonym here. My brain is mush.) Ok, I will, and I choose Sucker Sister.

Dear SS,

Oh man I remember those days.  I sat for hours in my bedroom as a teenager singing On My Own…oh God, here I go…I can’t stop it - On my own pavement shines like silver…Oh and the best part would be when the climax of the song comes and you sing out - And I know, it’s only in my mind!  When I’m talking to myself and not to him….oh man…that’s some great stuff.   I know I wasn’t the only one who used to sing this song alone in her room at 14 (Jennie B).

Anyway, back to your dilemma.  Sister it seems like on one hand you have one little over achieving brother on your hand.  (He’s got one heavy course load.  He must go to one crazy school, I don’t think I ever had to write a hundred page paper.)  And on the other hand you have a brother that is probably so overwhelmed he reaches out to the only two things that make him feel like they can help…you and show tunes.  I think it’s great he feels like you can help him as long as it’s just help.  Do you think he feels that if he sings enough depressing numbers you will feel just like Jean Vajean and want to do everything for him?  Stealing a loaf of bread for your family is one thing and doing all your brothers work is another.  And what’s with this waiting until midnight to ask for assistance?  Sounds to me like your brother has a bad case of the Fuck!  I’m in over my head so I’m just going to ignore everything and hope it will go away disease, but in the meantime I’m going to try one last ditch effort and see if someone else will do it all for me…which is one step above the…maybe it will all go away part….trust me on this…I’ve been there.

If I can offer you any advice it would be to sit down with your brother and say - Listen dude, I want to be able to help you.  I like the fact you think I can get you through rough patches, but this is your work, not mine.  If you want me to help you work through some tough pages or edit some stuff, let me know…in advance and definitely not at midnight…or even after prime time television is over.   But little dude, I can’t do your work for you.  I would then ask him if he feels overwhelmed and perhaps offer to help him figure out if he can drop a course or two.  Get him to speak with an adviser at the school who might be able to speak with him about getting back on track, or even offer some thoughts about extensions.  I know the over-achievers of this world don’t like to admit they can’t do it all, but your brother might be using his late night vocal stylings as a call for help.

And if anything, perhaps he should consider a future in musical theater.  He could drop everything except piano and orchestra and just focus on what makes him happy, which in this case is poor French people and the heartbreak of unrequited love.

Yours,

Krista Overby Best Friend

So, I haven’t received any questions lately for my advice column.  How the hell is Krista Overby Best Friend supposed to give advice if no one ever asks her anything???  I know you people have problems…hell, I know many of you personally and I KNOW you have problems.  haha.  So, ask Krista Overby Best Friend.  She knows her shit and she loves to share her brilliant knowledge with others.  If you have a question just write to askmybestfriend@gmail.com.

Also, please look for a future section - Best Friend of the Month - on this website.  This section will highlight not only, Krista Overby’s best friends (there are so many), but yours as well.  If you have a best friend you would like to feature, let me know, and your best friend will have a month devoted to them on this website.  Just send a picture of your best friend and a few details about them…I will make up the rest.

Dear Best Friend,

A skinny bitch who said she was my friend, stole my prospect - can I cut her?

Yours,

Pacify or Pulverize

Dear PP,

I feel your pain.  That truly some sucktacular action from your “friend”.  I am assuming this not-so-much-friend knew ahead of time that you had it bad for this love interest?

People, are we so needy that we can’t be faithful to a friend?  When I mean faithful, I mean, let the crush cool a bit before running in a being all cute and single and shit.  I know we can’t all just run around putting little sticky notes on the guys/girls we like and say..MINE (God knows if we were half the guys in the city would have yellow tabs on their head that said - Best Friend), but on the other hand if a friend is crushing hard on someone what’s wrong with steering clear for a little while? 

In answer to your question, PP, you can’t cut her…well at least not on her face, but you can choose to cool your friendship.  Loyalty is a must have when it comes to friendship for me.  If you can’t trust a friend with your heart, how can you trust them with anything else?

Love and Kisses,

Your Best Friend

dear best friend,
i thought of all people i could write you about my problem.  after all, you are the best friend.  i have a friend that is NOT a good friend.  however, she’s a friend i’ve had for a really long time and is someone i’ve confided in a lot- someone i used to think of as my best friend.  lately we don’t spend much time together anymore and don’t talk like we used to- it’s more just catching up on stupid little things than being friends.  she is in a relationship with another friend of mine and they like being together and in their apartment more than being with other people.  i notice more and more how manipulative she is, how she puts me down, and how she puts down things i do.  i would confront her about this, but i’ve tried this before and NEVER win arguments.  i’m not good at fighting and i’m too nice.  i realize i need to move on and not be her friend anymore, but how can you just stop being someone’s friend?  it’s hard for me because i don’t have a lot of close people in my life.
signed,
too nice to mean people.

Dear Lover Not A Fighter,

First of all, capitalization was invented for a reason…use it. 

Now, down to business.  Life is too short to deal with people who make you feel bad about yourself. 

Sure, you could try to figure out their reason for being manipulative.  You could look into their little manipulative soul and see a person who feels unsure of themselves and their own shortcomings.  Who picks on you because you let them win all of the fights.  You are an easy target.  (Side note - what’s with you not being good at arguing?  Maybe you should look into a debate class?  It never hurts to be able to get your point across - whether it be with a coworker or the little man who makes your coffee in the morning and always puts too much sugar in the cup even though you keep telling him not to…)

A friend is someone who knows all of your secrets but doesn’t dredge them up to make you feel bad about yourself.  Although, even KristaOverbyBestFriend must admit sometimes it is hard not to hold back a story when you know you could make a whole bunch of people laugh…like bringing up the fact that one of your best friends puked in a glass cup once at a party.  Or something like that.  But you know what I mean - don’t let people treat you like shit.  Even if that person once was close, something has now happened that changed that relationship. 

Relationships are constantly morphing because the people in the relationship are evolving too.  Show me a person who has had the same best friends their entire life and I’ll show you a person whose either incredibly boring, non self-reflective, or living in an alternate reality where their best friend is Scott Baio and a dog named Lassie.  I’m not saying you can’t keep friends forever, you can, only they are moved around on the FriendScale ™.  You haven’t heard of my FriendScale you say?  Well, here you go. 

(in the perfect world this would be colorful and shit - just imagine a really cool looking table below)

Me - electric blue - no one loves you as much as you love you (or should).   

Bestest - this would be in a nice calm blue shade - Knows your strengths and all of your faults but loves you anyway.  Would defend you even if you weren’t in the room. Has heard all of your stories but brings up one of your favorites just to hear you tell it to someone new.  Will kick you in the ass when you need it, but never stops thinking you rock.

Good - yellowish orange - Likes you a lot.  Laughs at all of your jokes, even the dumb ones - however, they might roll their eyes at you.  Will come over and hang out with you even if you are sick and don’t have anything to say.

Fine - white - Enjoys your company.  Thinks of you when they are throwing a party and is sad when you can’t make it.  Will cancel plans with you if they have a date, but that’s cool with you cause you’d do the same to them.

Um - olive green - When you think of hanging out with them you are happy, but once actually in their presence you question why you still hang out with them…yet something keeps you hanging on.  Maybe it’s because they know a lot of cute people or maybe they make a mean bean dip - either way they aren’t going anywhere…and you are cool with that.

I’ve Been Really Busy Lately - red - They annoy the hell out of you but you used to go to the same day care and your parents are best friends. 

and finally

Seriously Dude, You suck and I’ve kicked you off my FriendScale ™ - brown - They have over stayed their freind welcome.  They treat you like shit and drain the life force from your body.  You would rather be at work than spend another two minutes in their company.

And remember, people slide back and forth and inbetween this scale and if you notice someone has been stuck on a low level for longer than you’ve known them it’s time to give them the boot…for now…not forever, cause people change sometimes and maybe your absence will cause them some much needed self reflection…and if they do and they are cool, maybe and just maybe you can let them back into the wonderful world of you. 

Don’t let anyone make you feel bad about yourself.  Relationships that make you feel like that were meant to stay in high school - even if this means subtracting a much needed friend from your FriendLibrary ™.  I’ll explain that one later. 

Now that we’ve taken care of that problem lets focus on finding you some new friends…and a backbone.  Both are easier to come by than you would imagine and I bet you have more of both than you think.  You just need to be open to it.

Love and kisses,

Your Best Friend

Dear BFF,

Lately I’ve been having some existential dilemmas about the direction my life is going -assuming it is in fact going in any direction at all and not, as I fear, wandering aimlessly along the edge of a cliff only to eventually plunge off into a scorpion-filled pit. What can I do to make myself start waking up in the morning feeling optimistic about the proceeding day, rather than succumbing to the usual apathy that greets me?

Yours,

Seeking A Really Truly Rich Existence

Dear Desperately Seeking Sartre,

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.  wha, huh, sorry…I must have drifted off there.  I don’t mean to make light of your question, it’s just….so….bor-ing.  Meaning of Life - Shmeaning of Life is what my imaginary Grandpa always said and I pretty much agree with him.  There isn’t a meaning to any of this and that’s why it’s up to you to make it as entertaining as possible while you are here. 

First things first…there are no scorpian pits in the United States.  Unless it’s of the metal variety or you are on Fear Factor.  You will never be minding your own business, walking down Broadway, when a pit filled with eight legged venomous invertebrates sucks you into their den.  Ok, well maybe if you live in Arizona you might find some scorpians…but how often do they congregate in a pit?  And why do you think your bony ass would be something they would want to chomp on?  Per-chaps, they would take a pass on you and suck up some little chubby baby…mmm, baby meat….where was I?  Oh yes, scorpians…not gonna happen…next.

Waking up apathy-less…have you considered drugs?  Wake and baking perhaps?  Or maybe a lovely pharmaceutical?  Or maybe you should just be happy you are alive, young, and healthy.  Judging from your email you seem generally intelligent and maybe even a bit humorous…I guess what I’m getting to is that you need to focus on the positive.  And the only way you can do that is by sheer force of willpower.  Just don’t allow your self to go down the dark road.  It’s hard and sometimes your little head is going to go there anyway, but if you try, just a little bit, hopefully it will get easier and easier every day that progresses. 

And if you want to know what works for me, I find that making fun of people is an excellent way to make myself feel better…also cookies, reality tv, a good book, sexin, and travel…especially traveling alone.  It’s empowering and makes for good stories later.  Also, don’t stay too long in a bad situation and try everything once.

I hope this helps…try not to think too much Mr./Ms. Thoughtfull-pants…sometimes you just have to be happy with existing. 

Dear Best Friend,

I have a date at a fancy asian restaurant and i want to wear a skirt with stockings, but customers are required to remove their shoes at the restaurant we’re going to. how can i ensure that i wont ruin dinner with my smelly feet?? stockings are the worst!

Signed,

Not gellin’ like magellan in Brooklyn

Dear Stinky,

Have you thought about washing your feet before putting on the stockings? Or better yet, wash your feet AND your stockings so everything is fresh when you go on your date? Something tells me, because you are focusing on your feet, you might just have abnormally stinky feets. Which is cool. It happens. Have you ever put baby powder on your tootsies before your socks, or stockings? That’s really good for cutting down on sweat, which causes the odor. Although, then you have the additional problem of getting the white powder everywhere. It would take some extra effort, but probably worth the time.

If you can’t do that, you could go the hipster avenue (you said you did live in Brooklyn) and wear those dance tights (otherwise known as leggings) instead of your stockings. Ugh, but all these suggestions are really taking the focus off the real issue, plus leggings are just stupid. Rejoice in the fact you have a date. You’ve got a date. That’s awesome. Whooo, dates. Good stuff. And, as I’ve said before you want someone to like you for you…and if you have stinky feet….it’s better he knows that now, rather than 3 months in when he walks in on you covertly fabreezing your smelly-ass feet and thinks you are fabreezing an entirely different area…which wouldn’t be very healthy…fabreeze is for fabrics…not body parts.

Hi Best Friend,

They say that knowing is half the battle, and I know I need to make a change, but I am having a hard time actually doing that. I have had the same job for almost six years, and I’ve totally outgrown it. It’s time for me to move on. But I am having trouble actually motivating myself to look for a new job — any ass-kicking tips on getting over the fear of the unknown and finding something bigger and better? Also, I haven’t gone on a job interview for years, and I’m pretty terrified of having to do it. What are your tips for a nervous interviewee-to-be?

Yours,

Stuck in a Rut

Dear Stucky,

Have you thought about becoming a really bad employee and forcing your employer to fire you, therefore taking the onus off you and putting it on your employer?  It’s just a thought because then you wouldn’t have to make any yucky decisions at all.  Yes?  No?  I’ve heard it’s worked in the past.

Ignore that comment above, it’s a bad idea.

I think I’m going to turn the tables on your for a moment and ask you this question, What are you getting out of staying at this job?   What is it that you are feeding off of in this situation, because no one in their right mind stays in a bad situation unless they are getting something out of it, even if it’s something a little twisted.  Do you crave stability more than advancement?  Does staying at this job allow you to take the focus off of other areas of your life?

Even if that was true in the past, I think the fact that you wrote me, shows you are ready to make some changes, like you said - knowing is half the battle - so it’s time to make a charge at the other half.  Get your resume together and start putting feelers out there.  Take baby steps.  Just because your resume is being sent out doesn’t mean you have to take another job.  Just make some movement in that direction.  Build up your speed gradually.  Think of it like dating an ugly guy.  At first you are repulsed by his giant head and hairy ass.  Then after awhile you are like, wait a minute, when I rub up against his butt it’s like petty a furry kitty and his giant head is sometimes good when need to find him in a crowd.  So you see…giant head…job….kitty…..resume….what was I saying?

Oh yeah, and about interviewing.  I’ve heard blue is the best color to wear in an interview.  Apparently it’s a more trustworthy color, whatever that means.  I’ve find no matter what color you wear you need to feel like you look really good.  It helps the confidence factor.  Once you feel like you look good enough to hire you need to talk the rest of yourself into feeling good enough to hire as well.  It always helps me if I write out a series of questions to ask the interviewer.  That way if I space I always have notes.  Plus, employers like people who are inquisitive.  Remember you are interviewing them too.  You hold the upper hand.  I’ve also read that people naturally like people more when they’ve been the one doing most of the talking (we are all, afterall, most interested in ourselves) so have questions ready to keep them talking. 

One last thing, I’ve been on the other side of the interview table many times and I have to tell you, it’s almost more nervewracking to be the interviewer, especially when you are new at it.  It’s really an art and I don’t think many people have much talent for it.  So, chill - don’t freak out and remember if you don’t get the job, there is always your ugly boyfriend with the big head to greet you at the door when you get home…or not.  Sometimes it’s best to be single and date hot guys.