KRISTA OVERBY BEST FRIEND

What a shitstorm. I can’t remember being more disappointed with a movie..oh wait, I just remembered it was during Star Wars Episode II when Nathalie Portman and Hayden Christensen actually had a love scene where they rolled around in grass like in some romance book written by a 14 year old girl. That was dumb…this would have been just as disappointed if I was really even looking forward to its release…which I wasn’t. So, lets start with the reasons this movie sucked, shall we?

Where to begin, where to begin..ok, I know.. hows about, freakin Tobey Maguire was a fatty boombah! Am I the only one who likes my superheros to look like they could actually save someone (Wolverine)? I remember the first movie, when I heard he was playing the part I was like, hmm, I think Toby looks like a 12 year old with brittle bone disease, but he totally pumped up, right? But in this movie it looks like he’s been sitting around eating Little Debbie Snack Cakes (the whore of the snack food kingdom, right J) and washing them down with a 2 liters of Pepsi everyday since the last movie. Who thought this would be ok? Oh, wait, I know Sam Raimi, it’s because every scene with Tobey in his suit is totally CGI’d. Tobey didn’t need to be fit because the movie was basically a cartoon (a bad one at that) with bits of scene with Kirsten Dunst in it. Ugh. If Kirsten came back to the set looking like Tobey they would have written M.J. out of the movie as faster than you can say Rosie O’Donnell. Every time Tobey cried (which was often and leads me to my next reason why this movie sucked) his little double chin wobbled like a turkey’s going to the slaughter.

Throw us girls a bone Spider-man casting! Give us a little eye-candy to look at! If Tobey is looking bad, you could have made the other characters hot..right? Don’t get me wrong, James Franco isn’t bad looking, but he freaks me out when he smiles…he has too many crevices on his face or something - and for the other two main characters we get are Lowell Mather and Eric Forman? Really super hero casting people? Really?

Ok, now we get to the second reason why Spider-man 3 sucked…it had too much crying! Every other scene was someone crying their eyes out about for some dumb ass reason or another. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for men feeling like they can express their emotions, but not in my super hero movie! It had more man tears than a lifetime movie about prostate cancer. I half expected Tobey to say - Goodnight you princes of Maine - at the end.
Next, lets move on to the “black costume” Spidey - whenever Toby gets to feeling the “black” take over he all of a sudden is wearing eye liner and his hair gets all emo… it’s like Spidey turns into Panic at the Disco. You think the costume people could have come up with something a little more interested that that.

Lastly, what was with the American Flag shot at the end? Raimi got all Michael Bay all of a sudden. And the NYC firemen in the crowd shots…why didn’t he just have the statue of liberty come to life and give Spidey a thumbs up? I’m so sick of these patriotic American scenes. Are we that easily bought as Americans? Are we supposed to cheer and be so enthusiastic at the sight of our flag and some “real heroes” that we forget all about the previous two hours of shit?

Ugh.

The only good thing about Spider-man 3 was the trailer for the new Harry Potter movie coming in June. Ohhh…Voldemort…you saucy fellow.

This entry was posted on Sunday, May 20th, 2007 at 8:56 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.