KRISTA OVERBY BEST FRIEND

I finished my motorboat course this evening. 3 days of sitting in front of an old guy named Orville tell us (us = me and 2 other people I’m working with this summer) boating stories. We think his wife might be named Aunt Jemima. Tonight was supposed to be our final test. We were not ready. We had not studied. Orville instructed us the test would be open book. Who studies for an open book exam? Suckers, that’s who. And we are not suckers. We are though very lucky. Why you ask, cause Orville forgot the exams and passed us all anyway. Can you believe that shit? I’m not complaining..oh no. I am happy. Happy I didn’t have to sit for an hour and look for answers in my boating book. Very happy. I’m not sure the state I am in would be happy knowing about Orville and his forgotten tests…I’m also not sure how other boaters on the river will feel about our being certified…in a non-test taking way this summer…but I am very pleased. I did learn something. I learned about red port, green starboard…I learned about the bow and the stern and the anchor rode and how to wrap the docking line around the boat cleats…so I think I’ll be fine. As long as I don’t have any young charges to keep safe in the water…oh wait.

What else is going on…well, tomorrow night we are all heading down to the camp and staying in a tent because all of the cabins are filled with weekend guests. I’ll be able to move into my cabin on Tuesday. It looks like this weekend will be filled with cleaning and setting up my office. As well as a kayak trip and maybe some swimming, which makes all the cleaning worth it.

In other news, my ankle is STILL paining me. I’m starting to get a bit worried about it…only because I am going to be doing a lot of hiking this summer…hello, summer camp! Anyway, it’s still swollen and stuff, especially at night after a full day of using it. What could be wrong? Any medical professionals read this blog? Anyone want to volunteer some medical advice? Anyone without any medical training want to take a wild guess at what could be wrong? It’s been almost 3 weeks since my fall. Damn.

YoYoYo, Thursday I temped at a place I’ll call GirlsRUs.

1 = Hellish
3 = Are they serious with this shit?
5 = Fine, if you have no expectations
7 = Niiiice
10 = Are there any job openings?

I grade the following perks: snacks and drinks, chair, other admins, boss man, location, and extras.

First and foremost Snacks and Drinks: 4 - The place offered nothing in the way of snacks and drinks, unless you have a dollar and a quarter and want to use a vending machine.  What’s up with all these vending machine companies?  They did offer coffee and a few varieties of tea and I believe they had a water cooler…so maybe I should give them a higher score…nope, I don’t think I will.  I’m still mad about the vending machine.  They did have some tasty leftover sandwiches from the day before…but, nope…still a 4.  Hey, GirlsRUs…spend a little money and get your employees some sodas or something!
Chair: 7 - Chair was fine.  I didn’t have to adjust it, which was a welcome change.  It did just what I needed it to.  Supported my ass.
Other Admins:9 - The people who worked her seemed really nice.  I even got a hug from the receptionist!  A hug!  (Ok, full disclosure GirlsRUs is actually the place my sister works for and she brought me in to help her out one day…so the people were nice to me because this sister is one of those hard working, uber-reliable, super nice people that makes people want to hug her siblings.  So it had less to do with me and more to do with her being a good person.)
Boss Man: 8 - The boss seemed to care about my well-being.  This was an odd relationship because said boss actually knew about this handy dandy little rating system (again, she’s my sister) and kept checking in with me during the day to make sure I was happy…and hydrated…and cool enough.  But I’m not rating her higher cause I’m her big sister and I like to upset her needlessly.
Location: 7 - Place was near the metro (D.C. speak for subway) and is actually located directly above a grocery store.  Imagine that.  You could do your grocery shopping at lunch…or get a lovely salad like I did.  It was almost like having a huge cafeteria in your office, but it wasn’t subsidized, unless you could my budget-concious sister’s ‘club card’.

Extras: 5 - I didn’t have much work to do, but I was allowed to complain that I was bored and the sister would try to give me work, which was nice.  They lost MAJOR points however with the nasty-ass keyboard I had to use.  It looked like the previous owner had eaten every meal directly over it since 1988.  Gross.  I hate grody-greasy keyboards.
Overall Score: 6.66 - They got the sign of the devil score!  Man…I think I might have to get my sister out of that place…maybe they are a cult!  I had no idea!  Shit…if only they would have had some snacks…

What a shitstorm. I can’t remember being more disappointed with a movie..oh wait, I just remembered it was during Star Wars Episode II when Nathalie Portman and Hayden Christensen actually had a love scene where they rolled around in grass like in some romance book written by a 14 year old girl. That was dumb…this would have been just as disappointed if I was really even looking forward to its release…which I wasn’t. So, lets start with the reasons this movie sucked, shall we?

Where to begin, where to begin..ok, I know.. hows about, freakin Tobey Maguire was a fatty boombah! Am I the only one who likes my superheros to look like they could actually save someone (Wolverine)? I remember the first movie, when I heard he was playing the part I was like, hmm, I think Toby looks like a 12 year old with brittle bone disease, but he totally pumped up, right? But in this movie it looks like he’s been sitting around eating Little Debbie Snack Cakes (the whore of the snack food kingdom, right J) and washing them down with a 2 liters of Pepsi everyday since the last movie. Who thought this would be ok? Oh, wait, I know Sam Raimi, it’s because every scene with Tobey in his suit is totally CGI’d. Tobey didn’t need to be fit because the movie was basically a cartoon (a bad one at that) with bits of scene with Kirsten Dunst in it. Ugh. If Kirsten came back to the set looking like Tobey they would have written M.J. out of the movie as faster than you can say Rosie O’Donnell. Every time Tobey cried (which was often and leads me to my next reason why this movie sucked) his little double chin wobbled like a turkey’s going to the slaughter.

Throw us girls a bone Spider-man casting! Give us a little eye-candy to look at! If Tobey is looking bad, you could have made the other characters hot..right? Don’t get me wrong, James Franco isn’t bad looking, but he freaks me out when he smiles…he has too many crevices on his face or something - and for the other two main characters we get are Lowell Mather and Eric Forman? Really super hero casting people? Really?

Ok, now we get to the second reason why Spider-man 3 sucked…it had too much crying! Every other scene was someone crying their eyes out about for some dumb ass reason or another. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for men feeling like they can express their emotions, but not in my super hero movie! It had more man tears than a lifetime movie about prostate cancer. I half expected Tobey to say - Goodnight you princes of Maine - at the end.
Next, lets move on to the “black costume” Spidey - whenever Toby gets to feeling the “black” take over he all of a sudden is wearing eye liner and his hair gets all emo… it’s like Spidey turns into Panic at the Disco. You think the costume people could have come up with something a little more interested that that.

Lastly, what was with the American Flag shot at the end? Raimi got all Michael Bay all of a sudden. And the NYC firemen in the crowd shots…why didn’t he just have the statue of liberty come to life and give Spidey a thumbs up? I’m so sick of these patriotic American scenes. Are we that easily bought as Americans? Are we supposed to cheer and be so enthusiastic at the sight of our flag and some “real heroes” that we forget all about the previous two hours of shit?

Ugh.

The only good thing about Spider-man 3 was the trailer for the new Harry Potter movie coming in June. Ohhh…Voldemort…you saucy fellow.

and I miss my cat. How dumb is that? I miss my damn cat more than I miss anything. I guess that makes me a bona fide spinster. I know I am probably missing her more than she misses me. This is probably how it’s going down:

Me: Oh man, I miss my cat. She probably thinks I deserted her.

Betty: I’m hungry

Me: Maybe I should go get her. Maybe she would be happier to be with me, even if it means living in a small space. That would probably be so much better for her.

Betty: I’m sleepy

Me: Oh, woe is me. I am so sorry for leaving you this summer. If only you understood it’s for the best. I think about you all the time.

Betty: If only I could sleep and eat at the same time, life would be sweet.

Me: I hope Josh is giving you lots of love so it lessens your pain of losing me this summer.

Betty: I sure love digging in my litter box. Look at the poo fly!
Me: Oh Betty! I love you! I hate this separation! Ohhhhh! The pain!

Betty: Look one of those buzzing around things….I want to catch it! But I think I’ll nap a little bit first. I love tuna…zzzzz.
So, yeah…I’m pretty sure I am missing her more than she misses me.

I have a week to go before I move to camp. I think I’m gonna go into work with my sister next week…she wants me to rate her company as a temp…this shall be juicy.

Jobs I’ve had in the past:

Babysitter

Dorney Park Employee - funnel cake maker and second as a sandwich/all around food concession stand worker

Oaktree salesperson

Candy and Nut Sales Person

Salesperson at the Express (who hasn’t worked for Limited Corp?)

Fund raiser - for Art Museum (via phone)

Telemarketer - performer of phone surveys

HR Manager

Marketing Manager

Survey Analyst

Admin Temp

NFL employee - Admin
Admin Temp

Transcriber

Business Manager at Summer Camp (in a few weeks)

Jobs I would like to have in the future:

It’s possible that I do not have the qualifications or talent for any of the jobs below. It’s also possible these jobs are only cool in theory and in real life they would suck.

Radio Show Host

Cruise Ship Performer

Therapist

Choreographer

Painter

Drug Dealer

Candle Maker

Monk

Bartender

Judge

Jury

Here I am in D.C.! I am officially not a resident of NYC…unless having the Bet-meister (my cat) still living with Josh counts…and that I also am still getting my mail sent to Josh’s….and that I really don’t have a residence anywhere else yet and….ok, so I’m in a residence limbo.

Leaving NYC hurt so bad. Most of the hurt came when I fell down Josh’s stairs right before I left. Friends, I fell hard down those wooden stairs. Right on my ass. It’s funny what happens when get you hurt. The first thing I always do is take an inventory of the pain. Basically, just to make sure I haven’t hurt something that will hinder my ability to walk or type. Luckily, my pain was relegated mostly to my ass-region and my lower left leg. Nothing that would need medical attention. Phew. However, the pain was intense. My ankle ended up swelling and so did my butt cheek. Yes, when you can see your butt cheek has swollen you know you have problems. I’m still in pain, everywhere I go I am limping and holding my ass. It’s not a pretty sight. But I shall survive. It’s one of those things where I feel like Jebus was like, hmmm, you are emotional right now, lets give you some physical pain too! And it will be good.

I threw a goodbye party for myself on Friday night. I wasn’t going to, but all of my friends were like, You have to! And it has to be a Karaoke party! I think they just wanted an excuse to get drunk and sing, but I am a good friend, so I humor them. I have some awesome pictures, I need to post them. Josh and Tom were in rare form and they sang their little hearts out…God bless ‘em. Oh, and guess who showed up at my party, completely uninvited! Jay, from the first season of Project Runway. Ha, we are all such reality show bitches we were star struck. He and all of his friends were all completely dressed in black and showed their appreciation of performances by flipping us the bird…is that the cool way of telling us we are awesome, cause that’s how we took it. You can’t bring us down reality star and your posse! We built this city on rock and roll and we had the time of our lives!

Now excuse me while I put more ice on my ass.

So, I haven’t received any questions lately for my advice column.  How the hell is Krista Overby Best Friend supposed to give advice if no one ever asks her anything???  I know you people have problems…hell, I know many of you personally and I KNOW you have problems.  haha.  So, ask Krista Overby Best Friend.  She knows her shit and she loves to share her brilliant knowledge with others.  If you have a question just write to askmybestfriend@gmail.com.

Also, please look for a future section - Best Friend of the Month - on this website.  This section will highlight not only, Krista Overby’s best friends (there are so many), but yours as well.  If you have a best friend you would like to feature, let me know, and your best friend will have a month devoted to them on this website.  Just send a picture of your best friend and a few details about them…I will make up the rest.

I have to tell you about this woman I’ve been working with here at Bonds R Us. She’s perfectly nice and if I sensed even a tiny tiny bit of malice on her bobbed blond head I would be upset by her behavior, but because she comes across, instead, as a bumbling Alzheimer’s patient, I forgive her. And you should too.

So this is what she does.

Pretty much every other day I’ve worked here she has asked me what my name was. “what’s your name again?” is her common phrase of choice. “Um, Krista!” I reply. Hoping that if I seem unsure of my own name it might make her feel less upset by her own forgetfulness…every day. However, she really doesn’t seem that ashamed that she forgets. Instead it’s like she forgets, she has forgotten my name before. Now, in case you’ve forgotten, this is my 3rd week temping here! And she sits right next to me. Haha.

And today something occurred that put the icing on the cake. She came over to me and said, “Do you know they serve free breakfast in the break room?” Um, hello, I’m a temp, I knew that before I even started working here! We know these things! Hell, you people who read this blog knew they served free breakfast in the break room. I didn’t even know how to respond to that. If it were anyone else I probably would have said something smartassy in response, but because she probably has sustained a traumatic brain injury or is currently fighting off brain eating organisms I just replied with a happy, “Yes I did and it is good”.

This is my last week in New York, my friends. I am sad. Sad to be leaving this gorgeous city. Sad to be leaving good friends. But I am also excited. Excited for spending my entire summer at camp. Excited to move to a new city in August. Excited to meet new friends. New York has been good to me. It has also sucked the life force out of my body and spit out a broken shell of a girl. That’s what makes this city so confusing. On one hand it offers you the world, but with its other hand it punches you hard in the gut and then laughs at you. New York, thanks for the concerts, the culture, the book lovers, the colors, the laughs, and the punches. I’ll miss you, but I won’t have as many bruises where I’m heading.

I officially don’t have a home in NYC any longer. Hell, I don’t have a home anywhere at the moment. It’s not the best feeling in the world. I’m living off of the kindness of friends at the moment and it sucks. I also miss my bed…which is currently residing in a 10×10 storage facility in PA.

“Because of you, I never strayed too far from the sidewalk”… boy that song has been in my head for quite awhile now… I think it means I need to buy the Kelly Clarkson cd.

Anyway, what was I saying…oh yes, I have no home all my stuff is in storage, but it is pretty outside today and I have a nice view from my office window.  It’s Cinco de Mayo this weekend and Abby is throwing a huge ass party and she’s promised to get me drunk…can’t get much better than that.

I think I’m gonna go watch Friday Night Lights on NBC now…they have all the episodes loaded on to their website and I’ve managed to watch about 14 of them so far…only 7 more to go!  haha.  I was freaking out the other day because I was crushing on the actor who plays the coach on that show and I realized that I now have passed over into the magical age where I no longer crush on the high school actors…no, I’m into the “grown ups” on the show….man.

Oh, I am also back to blond now.  Ally, my beauty school sister, colored my hair back to blond this weekend and she did a darn good job too.  I think that girl is gonna be on heck of a stylist!  And I couldn’t be happier.  There is nothing a blond likes better than getting her highlights done for free!  Whooo.  Also, I’ve planned to push her to become a stylist with her own haircare line..like Paul Mitchel, or Vidal Sassoon - that way she can support my temping ass.

That is all.