Here are some reasons why -
An Elma man was charged with theft, resisting arrest
and second-degree obstruction of governmental
administration after a store owner reported the man stole
a 30-pack of beer and fled the scene on a go kart. Police
followed the suspect, who threw the beer and fled on foot
on Erie Street. Police found him hiding under fallen brush.
A patrol responded to the complaint of an unwelcome
guest pounding on the door of a French Lea Road
residence. Upon the officer’s arrival, the suspect, who had
a strong odor of alcohol on his breath, was standing on
the porch. When asked what he was doing, the suspect
said he was, “trying to get some action.”
Harassment was reported on Sheridan Drive. Someone
entered a restaurant, pulled the complainant’s hair and
yanked menus out of her hands.
An Amherst resident returned to her home to find the
house unlocked and a non-threatening note in her
bathroom.
A Marine Drive tenant reportedly threatened to get the
landlord “ghetto style.”
A police officer responded to a complaint of a suspicious
person on Seneca Street. The officer stopped to question
an individual, who refused to answer questions and had
no identification on him. When the patrol asked the man
to have a seat, the suspect backed away. The officer
grabbed the man’s arm, and the suspect began to wrestle
with him, dumping over a container of an alcoholic
beverage he had been carrying. The suspect was placed
under arrest but began talking about Satan, “the beast”
and Leviathan, and started reciting strange chants. He told
the officer, “Oh yeah, buddy, you messed with the wrong
guy.”
Officers responded to Harvard Avenue, Depew, to
investigate a report of a motor vehicle accident with a cat.
The cat was pronounced dead at the scene. (something tells me the cat didn’t have much of a chance)
A 43-year-old Depew woman reported that her 41-
year-old husband hit her with a hot dog during an
argument.
A woman reported that she had been receiving strange
phone calls almost daily since Sept. 1 in which an
unknown caller whispers, “What do you want?” and, “Can I
clean your house?”
Several pairs of women’s undergarments were found
super glued to the hood of a person’s car near Brompton
Road. It turned out that someone was playing a prank on
a friend.
The patrol stopped a vehicle for crossing over the
double yellow lines on Union Road. The driver appeared to
be nervous and had bloodshot eyes. When asked if he had
taken any drugs, the suspect replied, “I’ve taken all sorts
of drugs, but nothing in the last couple months.”
A man in the Sheridan Parkside neighborhood had said
that he was chased by another man with a Louisville
Slugger baseball bat. When asked why, the party admitted
to having an affair with the first man’s wife.
Police responded to a parking lot on Sheridan Drive over
two youths fighting over a fast food order. One of the
boys apparently had stolen the other’s sweet-n-sour
sauce.
A security guard of a Depew grocery store reported that
a man grabbed a 12-pack of beer, some powdered drink
mix, a can of sardines and a box of condoms and ran out
the door. (Sounds like he’s got one heck of a night planned)
Police responded to a report of a disturbance at an
Edson Street address. They arrived to find a vehicle parked
on the front lawn and still running. The driver said she
had received harassing phone calls from a female at the
address and decided to confront her and drove onto the
lawn, nearly striking several people. She reportedly exited
the vehicle screaming and trying to punch everyone in the
front yard.
An East Bentham Parkway resident reported someone
tasted her meatloaf. No evidence of such crime was
found.
A young boy called from a cell phone on Kings Highway
reporting he had been knocked off of his bike by water
balloons thrown by a group of high school seniors in a
car. (awww, this one is just sad)
A Sable Palm Drive resident complained her boyfriend
was intoxicated and urinating on everything.
A man reported he went to get his car from a Genesee
Street parking lot when he lost his 13-year-old son.
Reportedly the youth saw a spider, panicked, and was
hiding somewhere in the lot. He was located. (again, this kid is 13!, unless he’s retarded he will never live it down)
Menacing was reported on Kenville Road when a woman, in her 30s, dressed in all red clothing, was chasing people in the street with a fork. She was taken home. (what can I say, I was having a bad day)
Lancaster police and fire officers responded to a report of a fire on Sandridge Road in Alden, but determined that a resident had burnt his pancakes.
A 20-year-old woman was locked out of an Euclid Avenue house by her 14-year-old brother, who was “just being a punk.”
A Bramblewood Lane resident reported that a turkey could not seem to find its way out of a neighbor’s backyard, which is completely fenced with a swimming pool. Resident said turkey was “crazily walking back and forth.”
Several young men “seemed to be up to no good,” a Homewood Avenue caller reported. The group was sitting in the driveway on lawn chairs enjoying cigars because the home-owners wife didn’t appreciate the smoke smell in the house. (this one just made me laugh because I like to think about the person who made the call about men being “up to no good)
A Main Street, Depew, man, after reporting the theft of
his medication, asked police if it was true that if you file a
police report you can get a free prescription. Officers
gave the man a “stern, verbal reply” to this comment, and
told him the rumor was false.
A Depew resident reported that four suspicious adults
with children were in the area, ringing doorbells. Police
determined the suspects to be Jehovah’s Witnesses.
A male was reportedly yelling and screaming in his
Randolph Avenue driveway. Police reported he actually
was trying to rap.
Police aided a confused adult on Walden Avenue who
stated “The eye in the sky was watching her.”
